Well – a new academic year has gone off with a bang!! The season is changing – bringing with it the rain and a drop in temperatures, nights are drawing in and summer holidays are fast receding into a distant memory!

This year, more than ever before, September has marked the start of significant change and new adventures for us. Not only are we adapting to a totally new way of doing family having just taken our eldest daughter to uni for the first time, but this term is the start of life as a freelancer for me!! In July, I finished my role as SENCo in a primary school having prayerfully made the decision to press into Living Well, as well as begin a new project, equipping and enabling churches to develop relational practice and an inclusive, trauma informed approach to their children’s ministry.

All very exciting – though also a little scary!

But here’s the thing! As I’ve stepped into this new year, I am recognising that I have lost my rhythm a little – I’m out of beat!! If I am honest with myself, I have not been Living Well over these past few weeks!!

In the midst of significant change and potential ‘stress’, I have ‘hedgehogged’. Faced with overwhelming circumstances, I have withdrawn – put my head down and rolled on through!

A little while ago, I came across the phrase ‘Incurvatus in se’ – it’s a latin phrase first coined by St Augustine of Hippo – one of the early leaders on the church in the early 400s, and it means ‘turned / curved inward on oneself’. The phrase was picked up by Martin Luther in the 16th century and then again by theologian Karl Barth in the 20th century to describe sinful nature that continues to curve in on itself – some might call it navel gazing – rather than looking upward to God.

I’ve been reminded of the story in Matthew 14 of Peter walking on the water to meet Jesus. The story comes right after the business of the huge miracle of feeding the 5000 and the disciples have been given a head start by Jesus to cross the lake in a boat while He has some quiet time alone in prayer. As the boat gets further from shore, the friends of Jesus find themselves in strong winds being blown about and rocked by waves. As they are being battered by waves, they look out and see Jesus walking towards them. Unsurprisingly, the bible says that they were terrified, thinking it is a ghost. When they realise it’s actually Jesus, they are amazed and emboldened by the miracle they are seeing and Peter wants to join in! In the Message translation, v29-30 says this:

‘ (Jesus) said, “Come ahead!”

Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus. But when he looked down, at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink. He cried, “Master, save me!”

When he looked down … incurvatus in se … when he took his eyes off Jesus.

When you are in deep water and you feel like you are sinking, if you look down – if you curve in on yourself – you sink! The way to keep afloat is to relax and lift your head up!

Psalm 3:3 says ‘But You, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory – the One who lifts my head high.’

I know that when life feels full on and I feel overwhelmed, the way to stay afloat is not to hedgehog – not to curl up in a ball and roll through it – not to ‘incurvatus in se’. It’s to be still and know that God is still God – to trust that He is a shield around me and to allow Him to be the lifter of my head. The beauty of Psalm 3:3 is that I don’t even need the strength to hold my head up – when I submit to the love of Jesus, He is the lifter of my head!

So, as I step into all that lies ahead, with all of the challenges and the joys that it will bring, I want to prioritise moments of stillness – not to hedgehog the craziness and withdraw, but to be still in the presence of Jesus and allow Him to lift my head high.